Duck Duck Cougar?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
