the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
