i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
