well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize