hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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