I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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