based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
