I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
