You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
