If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
