chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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