just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
