I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
