You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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