shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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