I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
