My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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