I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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