I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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