I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
worst night to have a conscience
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
