I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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