Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
