hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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