Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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