Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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