yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
