you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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