it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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