I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
