and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
