Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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