I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
