Define "chronic" masturbator.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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