What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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