Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
