I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize