Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
