Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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