i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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