Your face is a jimmy john
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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