I wannas sexs uuuuu
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
