if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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