So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
