i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
