i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize