We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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