no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
