do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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