I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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