The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
50% drunk capacity currently
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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