I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
