I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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