I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
