He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
