I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
