now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
