somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
