Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
