Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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