She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
