Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
