So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
