I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
