i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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