I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
