So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
