He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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