Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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