I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
