i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
